Healthy Thoughts to Ring in the New Year

The year has come to a close and it’s no secret that we’ve, collectively, all gone through some pretty difficult times together these last few years. As this newest one turns a page, you might find yourself greeting the horizon with excitement, wrestling with a lot of heaviness on your chest, or instead feeling rather indifferent or even numb. As the last few years have been uniquely challenging, we were compelled to reach out to our already-vulnerable community and lend a steady hand amidst this ever-shifting landscape.

Even in the best of times, folks tend to compartmentalize their years in a wide variety of ways. Some are healthy while others pose some fairly toxic pitfalls - ones that any one of us can fall into if we aren’t paying attention. When we’ve repeatedly heard the unanimous conclusions that the last few years were “dumpster fires” or “end-times worthy”, or are currently witness folks plea for this one to hurry up and end so it doesn’t get worse, it can be so much harder to keep your own head clear.  …particularly if you’re inclined to agree.

Since childhood trauma survivors are already more vulnerable to having challenging thought patterns, painful memories, or larger triggers around this time of year, we wanted to bring some extra support and guidance, and prevent any extra distress that we can! We also wanted to lift you up in the New Year, so it’s a perfect chance to do both at the same time!

Here are some tricky patterns we’ve identified and some ways you can avoid falling into them this New Year (and the many more to come):

#1 BLACK-AND-WHITE THINKING:

    It happens every year, and this one's no exception. Most take the last few days or weeks of December to reflect back on allllll that transpired the previous 12 months. Then? We make a judgment about them. Was it good, was it bad, did it veer a hard left somewhere along the line?

Next, we look ahead to the upcoming year and try to decide what kind of year it's going to be, and even set resolutions to make it so. Doing this, while not inherently troubling on its own, can encourage some strong black-and-white thinking — a thought pattern that is no stranger to trauma survivors. (Survivors with OCD, autism, and/or comorbid personality disorders may even fall prey to this even harder.) Deciding that this year was “good” or “bad,” or that the next one will be “difficult” or “promising,” is very black-or-white. In truth, no year is any one thing. Heck, there are 12 whole months! With 365+ individual days! How can 365 anythings be just one thing? They aren’t! Neither black nor white. They’re blue and green and six and square and magic and car and twelve and city! They’re all kinds of things! And that’s amazing. It’s what we want from life!

    You don’t have to decide what kind of year you had. It’s already over. Defining it with a pretty little label won’t to change anything about it - just how you look back on it.  With the current atmosphere, you could fall into calling it ‘black’ when it really may have only been more of a steely grey or even silver. You also don’t have to decide what next year is going to be either. Doing so can leave us very little wiggle room to explore. And, if we were ro decide it's going to be ‘white’, at the first sign of trouble you could be far more likely to think it's been ruined and throw in the towel. ….because you know who Black-and-White’s cousin is? All-or-Nothing. And we don’t need to antagonize her to join the party, too!

You can let your years just be what they are. A year. One revolution around the sun. But if you do still really want to assign some descriptors or labels to it, try to broaden your color palette a bit - go beyond just black or white. Let your words reflect the nuance and diversity you put into your colorful life! ;)

#2 DRAWING LINES IN THE SAND:

It's all just a part of New Year's Day 101. It’s the time to make New Year’s Resolutions and decide if we met last year's (well, if we remember them!). Resolutions can be downright stressful if you’re someone who really wants to set them. Others couldn't care less and just skip out altogether. That’s okay, too! We think a happy medium can be the best way to greet the year ahead.

Setting goals is honestly a great thing. It’s a huge part of recovery and healing. We should always want to have long-term, short-term, and daily goals, and to have them be on a variety of subjects - mental health, work, relationships, physical health, self-care, big life experiences, etc. That said, your aspirations shouldn’t solely revolve around “a new year”; you can set goals any time, any day, for any reason! Heck, ya can literally start the second you’re finished reading this. But unfortunately, for many, a massive dividing line in the sand can get drawn between December 31 and January 1 that holds an immobilizing significance. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

    You can set goals any day, any time. You don’t have to wait to get started or stop the goals you’re already working on. They don’t have to be resolutions that only pertain to a new year and, oftentimes, those are just the blanket sentiments we prepare for an audience anyway. They’re rarely the the specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely goals (SMART goals) we want to be setting! The latter is far more likely to yield the results we deserve.

You don’t have to decide anything by a certain day, and your year isn’t ruined if you don’t get them right the first time, or even at all. Setting goals should be a daily and weekly practice, they don’t have to define your entire year. (If you’ve found that’s genuinely helpful for you, though, keep that tradition!) It’s also equally as permissible to NOT make resolutions at all. Nothing bad will happen to you, your upcoming year doesn’t lose focus just because you don’t have an outline, and you aren’t obligated to resolve to something just because other people are. We do think setting goals is important, but you can do it however and whenever it feels right to you.

There are no lines in the sand when it comes to days on a calendar page, nor between calendars, and you don’t have to wait until midnight to get started. Start midday, mid-month, mid-year for all anyone should care! Your life doesn’t have to wait for anyone or be on anyone else’s timeline - including the calendar's.

#3 PURITY AND PERFECTIONISM:

Another distant cousin of All-or-Nothing, and a concept many trauma survivors can bump into often, is the idea of purity, perfection, and/or 'cleanliness'. Lots of folks talk about the new year as if it’s a blank canvas, an untouched masterpiece, a glistening white sheet of purity and possibilities! And in a way, sure, it is. It may even bring you tremendous comfort or enthusiastic determination to see it that way. You might feel like you can breathe easier considering all that's to come and all you can do with a fresh start. There’s nothing wrong with that kind of excitement or sense of “fresh air”. In fact, it’s great that you’re invigorated by it! We just want to be sure no one gets too caught up in the idea of an untouched surface that the possibility it could “get stained” by one small accident, letdown, or even tragedy gets mixed into that outlook. 

We unfortunately see this happen quite often and it’s why we’re looking out. Many can truly and painfully believe that their year has been ruined or is suddenly “bad,” cursed, or doomed after experiencing an early mistake or significant hardship. They may put the whole year into a box and decide that’s all it’ll ever be - leaving them unwilling to try or even fully participate in all that’s left of it.

We don’t want to see that happen with your new year. A few rough strokes doesn’t ruin a painting. You just have to get a little more creative! And, these accidents frequently lead to finished products that - while things didn’t quite go to plan - far exceed anything we originally intended to make! We also nearly always walk away feeling more proud of ourselves strictly because things didn’t go to plan. We get to be impressed by our resourcefulness and surprised by our own capabilities when we look back at all the ways we managed to pull it off. That says something.

    Feel the excitement of a new fresh start and build yourself up to take on a new year - but also be mindful to not put it on too high a pedestal or consider it so pure, so innocent, that the slightest imperfection could “stain” or “tarnish” it. It’s a new canvas, but it isn’t precious. You don’t have to be afraid to handle it, touch it, or fingerprint it. Get in there and mess it up and create something remarkable. Accidents, mistakes and the whole nine yards!

And, don’t forget! If these fresh starts speak to you, each and every new DAY offers the same blank canvas to begin something new. You don’t have to wait until the following year and it doesn’t matter what yesterday looked like; today is new as well.

#4 SNOWBALLING AND CONFIRMATION BIAS:

The open, public sharing of one’s highs and lows each year can, unfortunately, have a way of both trivializing and catastrophizing a lot of human suffering. Sometimes we’re met with the Trauma Olympics (“My year was so much worse, at least you had ____,” “Wow, looks like I win the Worst 20__ Award! Listen to this. *trauma dumps*,” etc). Other times we’re met with complete insensitivity or lack of awareness to a world that is enduring some rather serious devastation. In between, we can witness initially-supportive commiseration circles emerge, but ones that - without careful attention - dial up the volume knobs on pain folks might have otherwise gotten through okay. It’s that latter one that can take existing issues and snowball them larger than life, until they’ve fully spiraled out of control.

The last few years have, in all legitimacy, gathered an intense, grief-filled, and painful energy - one fueled by righteous anger, disgust, and overwhelm. When that's all you can see in your own world, every headline you read has a harsh edge to it, and every loved one’s post carries an all-too-familiar sting, it can start to project a heavy cloud of negativity over everything we see. …one that, once grabbed ahold of, grows legs.

Perhaps you were actually thinking this wasn't such a bad year for you! Maybe you even accomplished some radically wonderful things — got a degree, started therapy, made it through self-harm free, had a child, beat a life-threatening illness, found a job, or achieved a new personal best in something. Or, even if it was rough on you, perhaps you knew that you’ve certainly had worse ones in the past, so this one wasn’t too shabby. But, when every year-in-review is set out to remind you that “No, this year was, inarguably, the literal worst for every single person out there,” we will inevitably start looking for more examples of that in our own lives. It’s a really dangerous flame to fan.

Suddenly, we’re no longer just recalling the bad that happened in the world, but seeing our own hiccups through the same morose lenses. The aches and pains we may've forgotten all about begin to resurface with quickness, and now they hold real weight. Additionally, in our desperation to connect with others again, be a witness to the hurt many have become numb to, and ensure we aren’t being ignorant of the global suffering around us, many will find themselves downplaying their personal successes or joys and lean into the validation of hurt. That’s, of course, a slippery slope if we’re not self-aware.

While wholly understandable right now, this somber focal lens can take fresh wounds and pour salt into them. It can draw our attention too close to scars that were just beginning to heal and occlude our vision from any beauty that could comfort us. This isn’t particularly healthy for anyone, but can get especially sticky for survivors who have so many layers of pain that could unearth.

    Let yourself find the good things in the year, no matter how foreign it feels or unpopular it makes you. If you find yourself going through your year with a fine-tooth comb to spot all the bad things, we encourage you to step away or use the same mental energy to shift focus toward all the ways you came through those really dark, hurtful moments. Your pain has already been accounted for, it has already happened. We don’t need the weight of it to crush you once again as it comes barreling down the hill, gathering momentum with each stray heartache, frustration, nuisance, or slight you would've otherwise breezed past. It’s time to halt the snowball. ...or, at the very least, get outta the way! ;)

#5 WRAPPING THINGS UP (LITERALLY):

    Unlike the first four, this one isn’t so much a “problem to remedy” as it is a note for moving forward. A chance to find balance in the pitfalls we can turn into tools. We also wanted to end on a positive thought, so the slight tone change is appropriate.

Perhaps you had a really hard year — wholly and honestly. Maybe you learned of new memories, couldn't find a therapist, had a bunch of medical health complications, or lost someone truly important to you. For you, it might actually be a nice exercise in containment to wrap alllll those things up into a Year 20__ box, seal it tight, and just move forward. This can actually be a great tool for many people.

    Traumatic material is hard, and anything we can do to keep it from revisiting our present when we don’t want it to should be encouraged (so long as it’s through a safe means, of course!). For many, there is great comfort in mentally packing a year up in all its borders - holding that difficult content “in the past” - and turning your head toward the future. The reason this isn’t ill-advised is because when you contain something, you aren’t stuffing it down, forcing it out of sight, or trying to ignore it forever. You also aren’t making a judgment about what it is you're putting away. You’re just collecting it in some type of organizational manner and temporarily setting it aside until you’re ready to revisit it again in therapy. Key words being temporarily and revisit.

    For some, using the end of the year as a bookend is a type of containment all its own that really appeals to the mind. And, if that works for you, by all means use it! However, if you feel that your brain is instead putting too much stock into dates, times, years, and numbers, this might not be your best method. You may find that it reemphasizes the dates of traumas/life challenges, and when they come back around in future year(s) things feel even more loaded. But, only you know your thought patterns, vulnerabilities, and what would be most/least helpful to you. If this mental exercise is useful, we definitely encourage you to use it as you move forward. (There are other means of containment that don't involve calendars/time if this way isn’t for you! Don't worry!)

    Just know that, as much as you may try to put a year away, or put all the symptoms you wrestled with in it behind you, they may still follow you. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that the upcoming year is already decided or that it’s going to be as tough as the one prior. It just means that this year's events were sincerely difficult and a bit too hard put on pause. You may need to find new coping tools to address those struggles or break them down into smaller pieces to contain. When done thoughtfully and carefully, putting a troubling season away so you’re able to look ahead to a new one with fresh eyes and a strong heart can be a very healthy thing to do. It’s all in the approach, intentionality, flexibility, and mindset behind it. And, as some wise folks have said, the calendar never did anything to you. The earth and the stars have no idea what day it is. Only we give them that power. So you can take it away. You got this!

    In closing, we know this year may've been hard. For others, it may've been a year of victories. In truth, it was probably a bit of both for most of us. No matter what yours was like, we still can’t help but wish you a happy, healthy, SAFE and WELL-BALANCED new one. Hopefully, in picking out some of these little “thought pitfalls”, you’ll feel more able to navigate the upcoming days and maybe even catch yourself if your mind sneaks down one of those messier paths.

    You aren’t alone either! The past few years have had a similar variety of highs and lows for us at Beauty After Bruises, too. We have now met so many of you, heard your stories of strength, held many deeply moving fundraisers, and gotten to bring resources to those most in need. We hope that our future years together are continually as bright, and that you feel our unending support with every photo we post, article we write, fundraiser we host, and dollar we invest in your treatment.

Thank you for all you have brought to us personally and to our broader community. You are changing the world in such a beautiful way and you deserve to be - no, need to be - proud of yourself. Take a moment to celebrate YOU, knowing you’ve been a part of something truly great. May you each step out of this holiday season strong and always knowing you’re on our hearts and minds all year long.  

---

P.S.  While we don’t have a specific “getting through New Year's Day” guide as it pertains to the physical act of attending family gatherings, NYE parties, and such, you may find our 2 articles on Surviving the Holidays with C-PTSD and Coping with Toxic/Abusive Families still very helpful and worth revisiting each holiday season.

If you feel like the fireworks and loud bangs of New Year celebrations are just too much, our Grounding 101 and Distraction 101 articles may be just what you need instead! If not, going into a fresh year feeling fully rooted, present, and in the here and now is an equally wonderful intention to set for all that’s ahead! And, finally, if you're just utterly exhausted from the non-stop sprint through the holiday season, you may be in desperate need of some Self-Care 101. Go take care of number one: You!

MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201: Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
✧ Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101: Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID Myths: Dispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  Article Index  ❖

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Self-Care 101: Featuring 101 Self-Care Techniques for Trauma Survivors

Self-Care

When you hear the term “self-care”, you may envision cozy blankets, warm mugs, and a very Pinterest-y collection of activities fit for a #SelfCareSunday. In truth, self-care extends well beyond the simple comforts. And, for survivors of complex trauma, just achieving those moments of self-kindness can be a real challenge. It can even feel abrasive, anxiety-inducing, or undeserved. We hope to be able to help you challenge those feelings while also offering a wide variety of options to explore at your own pace — from the most low-effort and temporary acts of self-care, to the most impactful, long-lasting, and self-honoring.

To start, let's define self-care:

So, if self-care is so life-giving and healing, why is it so hard?

As with anything related to trauma, it’s complicated. The reasons can be extremely vast and layered. However, for most who have survived recurrent childhood trauma, they’re often left with both a negative self-concept and a negative-world view. After being made to feel worthless, “bad,” shameful, as if they’re the one to blame, or like their sole purpose in this world is to be hurt, just trying to think kindly toward one’s self can create profound dissonance. More self-loving actions, particularly those physical in nature, can inflict a kind of pain or friction that almost feels intolerable or just plain “wrong”.

That said, while difficult, it is still imperative that we try to rewrite those scripts and retrain our brains to accept the nurture and compassion we crave. The longer we deepen the pathways of self-neglect, self-hate, obsessive care-taking, people-pleasing, overwork, isolation, or self-harm, the harder it is to break free. …and, the more displeasing it feels to try. Unfortunately, when self-care doesn’t immediately “feel good,” we’re no longer incentivized to try again. But try we must.

We cannot run on empty and we cannot live always scraping the bottom; we must give from the overflow. We are more efficient, more vibrant, clearer-thinking; more energetic, loving, patient, connected to others and the world when we are satiated and restored. Just a small shift in that equilibrium can make us cranky or irritable. Chronically running on empty starts to cause irreversible damage — even at the cellular level.

When we’re taken care of and thoughtful to ourselves and our bodies, we are not only healthier, we are better humans to those we love and care about. Taking care of yourself has a ripple effect of positive change and influence. It can also be a corrective experience. Treating your body, mind, and spirit with love and kindness gives you a chance to feel the very things you were denied when you were younger or didn’t know you needed. YOU have a chance to be in control and be the benefactor of that gift — what a remarkable shift in dynamics from what you’ve always known. Self-care is active defiance against all who hurt you or trained you to hurt yourself. With every positive affirmation, loving touch, and self-protective act, you strongly reject and defy everything they drilled into you and hoped you’d feel forever. Reclaim your worth. It’s YOURS, not theirs.

Self-care is in no way selfish. It is an absolute necessity for all living beings. We deserve to feel well, nourished, secure, and forgiven. And, meeting our needs helps more than just us. Our loved ones want to see us fulfilled, and they enjoy seeing when we carry ourselves with lightness. Those needs, however, are in no way limited to what can be resolved with an adult coloring book or Netflix series. They’re complex, and meeting them may require larger tasks, such as setting appropriate boundaries, changing jobs, paying bills on time, scheduling doctor's appointments, ending self-harming behaviors, and so much more. Below, you’ll find a wide variety of self-care options.  We cannot wait to hear about your journey with greater self-empathy and learning the positive impact that taking ownership of your life can create.
 

101 Self Care Techniques

Here are 101 tools for practicing self-care! We have organized them by those that are somewhat more low-effort (things you can do from where you’re seated or while still fighting symptoms), to those that will require some planning, a trip outside, or considerable follow-through. They’re also loosely sorted by their impact as well. Some tools exist in short-lived bursts and just refuel the tank, others will prompt more significant, life-sustaining change over the course of years.

As always with trauma, not all of these suggestions will work for you. Some may be triggering or even exacerbate other mental health conditions. Use your discretion: take what you need and leave what you don’t. However, do keep in mind that just because something seems aversive or anxiety-inducing does not mean it isn’t deeply needed or ultimately self-caring. This is especially true with the more involved actions. Not all will feel good as you complete them - in fact, few will. Despite this, the healing at completion is what’s worth the trial of pushing through the task. So, pace yourself, but also challenge yourself to not object outright just because something sounds scary or hard. The most difficult things can sometimes be the things we need most! Happy self-caring!

Low Effort / Impact

1. Take a 10-minute break from whatever you’re doing - work, house-cleaning, scrolling social media, etc - to close your eyes and, just, be. Perhaps add some mindfulness, imagery or meditation as you recharge.

2. Take a short nap. (Rest is often one of the primary things missing for survivors. Give yourself permission. It’s okay. You deserve a chance to turn off and feel less vigilant and tense.)

3. Apply body lotions, face creams and/or essential oils. Appreciate the scent. Pay attention to the kindness and attention you’re giving your skin and senses.

4. Listen to an audiobook or podcast.

5. Listen to a specific self-care oriented playlist.

6. Watch a light-hearted comedy show, stand-up routine, film or YouTube video.

7. Allow yourself a binge-watch session on Netflix/Hulu/Amazon.

8. Watch the live feed from the International Space Station (ISS).

9. Catch your favorite sport or watch re-runs of one of the best matches/games/meets. You already know the outcome, so limited attention is required, you just get to relive the excitement that you likely haven’t felt for awhile.

10. Enjoy your favorite snack or have one you rarely get to enjoy.

11. Text a friend or safe family member. Reach out.

12. Make a gratitude list or write in your gratitude journal. Express appreciation or thankfulness for some of the simplest things as well as the extremely significant things in your day/life.

13. List 10 things that… you are good at, that you like about yourself (or are learning to like), or reasons you are a good person and deserve care.

14. List 20 accomplishments you have made this year.

15. Repeat a personal mantra. Examples: I am worthy, I am enough, There are people who love me even when I am unsure of myself, I am innocent, etc.

16. Permission to not be perfect. Let the dishes stay in the sink, don’t make the bed, don’t vacuum, for just one night.

17. Take your prescribed medications. They help your body function optimally and give it what it needs. You deserve them.

18. Allow yourself to take PRN medications if you are in need.

19. Hydrate. Try limiting from caffeines, energy drinks, sodas, etc and boost your water intake if needed.

20. Spend some time with a pet: give them lots of snuggles, pets, walks, grooming, or play with them.

21. Use a weighted blanket, weighted lap pad, or weighted vest. Apply deep pressure or compression with other items if you don’t have these. Soothe your overstimulated nervous system and feel more rooted and grounded in your body.

22. Listen to music specifically with earbuds in. Allow yourself a chance to drown out the rest of the world entirely.

23. Download incredible self-care apps like Finch. Even those of us here at BAB, who educate on self-care use this and give it two enthusiastic thumbs up!

24. Watch “Try Not to Laugh” or “Try Not to Sing/Dance” Challenge videos on YouTube. You’ll probably accidentally break at least once and that’s half the fun! ;)

25. Our go-to favorite: try to laugh without smiling. If nothing else, this video of several trying to do so will bring immediate joy: CLICK!

26. Watch oddly-satisfying compilations, ASMR videos (if they’re enjoyable/safe for you), or any other sensorily-comforting activities.

27. Experiment with selfies. Learn to appreciate your self, your skin, your features. Start the journey of being more okay with you. OR! Just take a moment to rock it like you always do.

28. Make pictures out of your freckles, drawings out of your scars, and beauty from your wrinkles. With intention, practice the act of loving the skin you’re in (in a very non-cheesy, Dove commercial kinda way :) ).

29. Hold a stuffed animal, soft blanket, or other comfort item. Run your fingers over meaningful items from loved ones, necklaces/rings, coins, stones, or other special pieces. 

30. Watch your favorite childhood movie - especially if younger parts of you are in need of those positive memories.

31. Scroll through self-acceptance, body positive, or self-love tags online for uplifting encouragement to look after and love the you that you are today.

32. Delete apps that are draining your time, energy, and/or focus. You can always add them back, but try ditching them for awhile to see how it feels.

33. Mute/block folks on social media that are causing you stress or bringing you down.

34. Put your phone on silent, including no vibrate (aside emergency contacts if necessary), for at least a couple of hours. Notice how it feels to be disconnected from that world and engaged with the one directly around you.

35. Go through a folder of saved meaningful comments, emails or personal letters/cards. If you don’t have one of these, create one.
    Start by making a computer or phone folder just for screenshots of nice, uplifting comments/messages received from loved ones; cool moments, replies or follows from celebs or people you really admire; or any special moments that made you feel excited, encouraged or that really touched your heart. Revisiting this treasure trove can really help restore your faith in others but most importantly your love for YOU.

    
    
    
    Medium Effort / Impact
    
    

36. Read a book, any book!

37. Look ahead to your upcoming week/month and see if there are any obligations that you can remove or delegate to someone else.

38. Reach out to a support group/group chat for some positive reinforcement.

39. Wash your face, brush your teeth, take a shower, change your clothes. Sometimes that’s all you can do but it can make you feel SO much better.

40. Take a bath (perhaps using oils, bath bombs, or creating a calming environment).

41. Mild pampering. Do a face mask, paint your nails, shave your face or legs, or do any other caring act toward your body (Any gender! Face masks and nail polish are for everyone!)

42. Stretch. Open up your body. Breathe deep and connect to yourself in your skin. Be present with yourself. (Kundalini yoga can be a style that’s quite pleasant to many survivors.)

43. Wear something you absolutely love or have always wanted to wear, regardless of what others might think/say. This is your life, your body, your aesthetic. Wear it for you. It affects their life path 0%, and yours considerably.

44. Do imagery exercises where you are able to fly, drift weightlessly atop clouds, swim without holding your breath, swing on a trapeze, or be wrapped up in hanging silks, etc. Let yourself feel floaty and breezy in the air or fully supported by something gentle beneath you. Feel the tension leave your body as you transport yourself to this place of suspended pain.

45. Make your favorite meal — no guilt allowed!

46. Go get some fro-yo, ice cream, or other dietary-friendly dessert. We all need a social treat from time to time!

47. Play with bubbles, sparklers, sidewalk chalk, or something else silly-but-aesthetically-pleasing!

48. Remind yourself that: Getting started is the hardest part. “I just have to start, then it’s so much simpler than I am imagining it to be.” The greatest obstacle that most all of us face is getting started. Things are almost never as hard, dreadful, boring, or unpleasant as we think they’ll be. And, after we’re in our groove, we wonder whyyyy we waited so long. Recall all the times you felt this way to motivate you to get started on whatever it is that you need to do!

49. Write a letter to your body — one of love, compassion, thankfulness, respect.

50. Write a personal letter of self-forgiveness.

51. Play an instrument or sing with passion — it doesn’t matter if you’re any good or not, the only thing that matters is you let it come from deep down and just let it out.

52. Do something creative (art, painting, a DIY project, wood-working, building).

53. De-clutter to de-stress. (If this will trigger OCD thoughts/compulsions, perhaps try something else, or instead use the opportunity to specifically work on these thoughts and show yourself the mastery you can have over difficult tasks.)

54. Change your sheets and linens to make a more relaxing space — one that is more fresh and cozy for you.

55. Create the Pinterest dream: get in your most cozy PJs early, find the snuggliest blanket and just curl up for the evening doing something you like.

56. Play your favorite video game.

57. Pull out an old GameBoy, PC game, or childhood board game — dive into some positive nostalgia or let young parts of yourself enjoy a game they know so very well.

58. Specifically listen to music or watch films that will stir deeper emotions. Just let yourself get them out without shame or fear. We all need a good cry and to feel safe enough to express what’s been stuck.

59. Spend time in a bookstore or library, by yourself or with friends.

60. Turn on some pumped up music and just dance, rock out, sing, let go — shame free.

61. Go to a park to swing on swings, go down a slide, climb the monkey bars. Tap into younger you and give yourself the gift of carefree fun without any fear.

62. Try various guided imagery scripts, progressive muscle relaxation, or do your own personal imagery routine. We even have some examples here to manage physical or emotional pain.

63. Do children’s activities (for young alters or your inner child): read children books, watch cartoons, enjoy Disney movies, color with crayons, play with matchbox cars or dinosaurs, build a fort, get creative!

64. Remove current triggers from your environment.

65. List some new goals — both short term and long term. (Make ‘em SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely)

66. FaceTime/Skype with a loved one you haven’t seen for spoken to for awhile.

67. Play a sport or do a physical activity you love (even if you’re no good at it anymore!). It’s all about reconnecting to that joy and sense of identity more than it is about having a successful endeavor.

68. Work with your hands outside: gardening, re-potting plants, planting new ones, raking leaves, etc. Connect with the earth and your body. Reflect on the nurture you’re giving to these living things and remind yourself of the own vitality you deserve, and how it needs to be restored from time to time, too.

69. Take a hike, walk through the woods, stroll along a beach - somewhere away from the busyness of the world - to have some alone time with you, your thoughts and all of the nature.

70. Go for a long drive. Blast music. Roll the windows down.

71. Submit your rent or pay your electric/cable/phone/car insurance bills. Scratch them off the to-do list and get them off your mind.

72. Make that doctors appointment, schedule the dentist, prepare to see the GYN, plan for that surgery — take that scary step of caring for your health and body. Make those calls. You’ve got this. Your body is counting on you.

73. Buy yourself an item that isn’t a basic necessity. It’s so nice to have a few items just for joy or entertainment.

74. Schedule body-healing appointments: a massage, fitness class, acupuncture session, beauty treatment, or other self-soothing service.

75. Return the voicemails, emails or other correspondence that are presently overwhelming you.

    
    

    
    
    Higher Effort / Impact

76. Say NO to something causing you distress. Feel the way you are taking control of your life and notice the strength in your voice.

77. Consider a week-long social media detox.

78. Try disallowing last-minute cancelling for a week or a month. Remind yourself how amazing you feel when you get home from something you so badly wanted to back-out from. Remind yourself that while the thought of cancelling can feel exhilarating, it almost NEVER feels as good as the pride and happiness you feel when you’ve conquered it or know the great memories you just created. 

79. Plan to attend a concert, Broadway or theater show, comedian, TEDTalk, or author on a book tour. Pick something really important to you and carve out that time with intention.

80. Join a painting, wood-working, photography, creative writing, graphic design, or other class. Connect with your community while trying something new.

81. Rearrange your room or most-used living space. Shake things up and make it an environment that really honors what you need from a room you spend so much time in.

82. Journal. Express what’s on your heart and mind. Honor that and give it a voice. Then contain it neatly within those pages so that you can walk away from it when you need.

83. Write letters of gratitude to loved ones. Make this one that you would truly send to them. Make it an exercise in vulnerability, safe attachment and building lasting relationships.

84. Plan future visits with friends and incentivize yourself to follow through.

85. Spend quality time with your kids — pressure free, totally organic, just enjoying their company.

86. Plan a mini-vacation, weekend getaway, staycation, or at-home break. You need and deserve to recharge.

87. Experiment with fun, different hair colors and/or cuts. Try mixing up your clothing style. Really find yourself while also challenging yourself to see if there’s anything there you didn’t know was hiding inside.

88. Plan out new tattoos, body modifications, etc. Embark in the act of self-love and identity-building. Take control of your body safely and in a way you’ve never possibly gotten to before.

89. Complete a body map. Or several. (Examples: Here and plenty more in the book You Are Here.)

90. Go swimming, float in the tub, try a float spa, etc. Go somewhere where you can truly feel more weightless, with no pressure on your body. Bask in that lightness and feel what a wonderful thing you’re doing for your body.

91. Try kickboxing, martial arts, jujitsu, etc. Get out all the anxiety, fear and anger. Feel strong and empowered in your body and what it can do.

92. Experiment with safe touch. Use feathers, cotton, string, fingertips, light scratching, something cool, something warm. Drag them across your skin in varying places. Connect with your body and appreciate its ability to distinguish such subtle changes. Notice how different areas of the body read that stimuli differently. Try to self-soothe with the kinds of touch that you discover feel nice.

93. Similarly, experiment with safe sensuality. This can be a terrifying concept for so many survivors. Becoming more comfortable with your body in a controlled, empowered way - with agency and self-love - can start to dilute so many layers of conditioned fear-response or shame. Appreciate your body as your own, no one else’s; notice what it can do, feel, sense, desire - all at your direction. Recognize that it’s safe, healthy, secure, and all YOURS. In time, consider opening this exploration up with a trusted partner/spouse.

94. Make a commitment to take care of your body in every way. Delineate a plan that includes exercise, proper nourishment, cessation of self-harming behaviors, therapy, a consistent medication regimen, healthy relationships, meaningful productivity, FUN, and so much more. Try to strive for balance and observe the areas you are lacking. List ways you can combat this.

95. Research that new doctor, dentist, therapist, or clinician you’ve been needing to find. If you are currently with a provider you frequently cancel on, don’t feel listens to you, makes you feel bad about yourself, or isn’t helping you achieve your goals, make a plan to end care with them and have a replacement lined up. No longer accept sub-par or harmful treatment. You are hiring them. They are paid to work for you. If they are failing as your employee, let them go. You deserve more.

96. Volunteer somewhere that really speaks to your heart. Whether that is an animal shelter, soup kitchen/food pantry, after-school program, services for low-income or homeless individuals, or a charity like ours, find what really stirs in your heart and makes you feel like you’re fulfilling a greater life purpose.

97. Connect with a sense of spirituality if you have one or desire one. Take time to explore prayer, listen to spiritual/religious music, read books or articles, attend a service or group, etc. Carve out the time to make this possible in a meaningful way. If you have a very complicated relationship with anything spiritual or religion-based, just take the time to instead connect to the aspects of yourself that are bigger than just your thoughts/actions. Explore what makes you, you — whether that’s your soul, essence, energy, spirit, or some other nebulous idea. Spend time with yourself in a way that really takes into consideration your place in a more vast universe.

98. Write a letter to your younger self (or selves). Express forgiveness, love, and understanding for young you. Give those parts of you comfort. Tell them the things you wished someone had told you at that age. When you are ready, be detailed and specific. Allow the most wounded parts of your being to feel the compassion, respect and understanding you have for them today. Give them love. Be the person you needed when you were younger.

99. Learn a skill. Increase your sense of self-sufficiency. Learn to sew, change a tire, unclog a drain, repair electronics, change your own oil, do your own taxes, navigate public transit, photoshop, etc — you name it!

100. List all of the things you’ve already gained or COULD gain from giving up self-harming, self-disrespecting or suicidal behaviors. Compare and contrast those to what engaging in them currently provides. If you have not created a safety plan or established a personal “triangle of choices”, create one of those.

101. Set boundaries with those in your life who really need firmer boundaries — even those for whom it is very difficult to do so. Be firm, clear, specific and confident. You can also be kind and compassionate, but don’t allow that to cloud the non-negotiability of these terms. Whether this is done in the form of a letter, email, phone call, or face to face discussion, know your limits and then set them with others. You deserve it. You require it. And you can do this.

Bonus acts of self care:

⤞ If you’re currently in a job that’s harming your mental health, a home that’s causing health issues, a relationship that’s breaking down your self-esteem or worth, a location that’s not safe for you or doesn’t have what you need, or you’re in a place where you don’t have access to the resources you need to not only survive but thrive — strongly consider all of your options to change these circumstances. Explore services that could help you find solutions if you don’t even know what those might look like. You don’t have to do this on your own. 

⤞ Get a brand new pet or look into training a service animal.

⤞ Send us an email, fill out an application, reach out in the comments. Feel our support, care, and love. We are here for you!

Don’t forget to share your go-to acts of self-care with us and other survivors below!
You may unlock the answer to a specific ache in someone else!

MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201: Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
✧ Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101: Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID Myths: Dispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  Article Index  ❖

FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIA:

  ✦  Facebook
  ✦  Instagram
  ✦  Twitter

101 Distraction Techniques: Tools for Intrusive Trauma Symptoms

101 Distraction Techniques

     When it comes to complex trauma, survivors can face any number of debilitating symptoms — from flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive/overwhelming emotions, to unsafe impulses, unmanaged dissociation, and all of daily life's challenges becoming magnified whilst wrestling your mental health. Countless skills and therapeutic tools exist, and can even be vital to getting through, but sometimes they just don't feel like enough. Maybe you've been successful at putting memories away, but are still left in a funky headspace that you can't seem to shake off. Or, maybe you've gotten grounded, but are too emotionally flooded to even start looking into what got you so off-kilter in the first place. Sometimes you just need a middle step before getting to your other skills. Distraction can be a surprisingly useful tool, and is one that's often under-appreciated. Let’s give it its day in the sun!

     One thing to keep in mind when using distraction is that it isn't a long-term solution. Relying on it too heavily - or in place of other therapeutic tools - can actually lead to "stuffing", avoidance, or taking the things that are causing you distress and dissociating them even further away. This only makes them more likely to intrusively revisit you, or find you when you're least prepared. But, if you're really struggling, switching gears and doing something unrelated can give you the footing you need to be able to use other skills later.

Neurologically speaking, it's very common for those with PTSD to recycle through thoughts, memories, and feelings in a circular fashion. Getting off that feedback loop can provide a greater reprieve than if you'd stayed on it, just repeatedly trying to put things away. Activating different parts of the brain - particularly ones that aren't overtired - can bolster your resources and provide access to the circuitry most vital for clarity and reason again. Then, as you return to your other skills, you'll be much more equipped to tackle things head-on instead of just going along for the ride.

❧ ❧ ❧

     We've divided our list of 101 Distraction Techniques into three categories based on how much mental and physical effort they require. We know that sometimes all you can manage is what's possible from where you're sitting, or involves very little mental energy. Other times, you may need to get your body moving or start an activity just to keep fully grounded. Finally, there are the occasions where a truly complex, lengthy, or highly intricate task is needed to bring you out of the place you've been trapped for so long.

      As with all of our lists, there will be tools that are not helpful for everyone. There may even be some that are triggering, upsetting, or may antagonize specific symptoms or other mental health conditions. You know yourself and your symptoms best, so use your best judgment. Trust yourself to take what you need and leave the rest! There are a hundred others to choose from — literally!

Low-Effort

1. Watch a TV show. If you don't have cable or a subscription service, many television networks offer free access, without a log-in, until you get closer to the most recent episodes.

2. Watch a movie. Light-hearted comedy, drama to suck you in, or an old favorite - there are countless films to whisk you away for a bit.

3. Sing. It doesn't matter if you're a professional vocalist or can't to carry a tune, singing engages a completely different part of your brain. Plus, the vibrations in your chest give great sensory feedback and the vocalization reminds you of your voice.

4. Watch cute videos on YouTube. About as low-effort as it gets: puppy/kitty videos, laugh challenges, or Vine compilations - take your pick.

5. Mindless doodles/finger painting/playing with clay. This may be especially helpful to those with child parts (DID/OSDD) who need an activity of their own.

6. Grab a snack.

7. Drum on a surface. Like singing, the vibrations and bilateral stimulation of your hands thumping will engage different parts of your mind and bring your attention away from what's intruding on you.

8. Play a game or use a fun app on your phone. Even if you aren't a gamer, search the app store. You might find one that speaks to you. It can be a great escape to get lost in for a bit.

9. Video games. Any console, any game!

10. Tear out words/photos/etc for a collage. Ask a local doctor's office or hairdresser for their spare magazines. Mindlessly rip out photos and words that speak to you. (Bonus: you may get to put tabloids to good use for once! They often have the scathing, overdramatic words that happen to be great for a therapeutic collages. Shocking! Betrayal! You Won't Believe It!).

11. Discover new music. YouTube, Spotify, Pandora, so many ways to find new gems!

12. Wash your face/hands or brush your teeth. A quick refresher can help you restart your day on a brand new page.

13. Re-watch highlights from your favorite sport. It's easy to forget just how many epic, captivating moments there were once some time has passed. Relive your excitement. Plus, you already know how it ends, so you don't have to pay super close attention!

14. Gratitude list. When your mind only wants to remind you of distressing things, focusing on 10+ things you're grateful for can really take you to a whole new atmosphere in your mind and heart.

15. Imagery exercises. Containment exercises, healing pool/healing light, guided meditation, so many options!

16. Play a board game with a friend. Something simple like Sorry!, challenging like chess, or silly like Cards Against Humanity, there are lots of options to distract you in the company of friends.

17. Card games. Solo works, too, if there's no one around.

18. Play with a pet. Pets (when they aren't being rotten) are the best distraction!

19. Listen to a podcast/audiobook.

20. Try to laugh without smiling. Trust me, this is something you need in your life.

21. Color-breathing / breathing techniques. An example of color-breathing here.

22. Untangle cords/necklaces/strings in a drawer. If this is something that won't aggravate potential OCD behaviors or anxieties, this can be a perfect chore when you need a distraction.

23. Clean out social media friends lists. Aaaah, just imagine the relief!

24. Read a children’s book to parts inside (OCD/OSDD). If you're struggling to stay focused, maybe young parts are who need the attention and care most. Even if you don’t have DID parts, we all have a younger us inside that needs some comfort, joy and attention, too.

25. Play with a tangle, fidget cube, pin art, sand tray, etc. You can do this right where you're sitting, without needing to think -- a perfect option when you're still heavily in symptoms but trying to come out.

26. Count by 7’s, list all the prime numbers, divide. Okay, this may be more medium-effort if math isn't your jam, but at least you don't have to go anywhere! ;)

27. Browse art sites for images you love. Whether it's DeviantArt, flickr, Pinterest or somewhere else, sometimes soothing, fun or beautiful images can bring your mind to a brand new place.

28. Sit outside and pay attention to all the things in nature. A change of scenery and a chance to connect with the earth can sometimes be all we need.

29. Apply lotion. If this isn't a personal or sensory trigger, this can be grounding, an act of self-care and a distraction all in one!

30. Allow yourself a nap. Sometimes that's just the only functional distraction we can muster.

Medium Effort

   31. Puzzle books. Sudoku, crosswords, word finds, variety puzzles, logic problems, take your pick!
   32. Read a book. Any book!
   33. Play music. On your phone, computer, radio, iPod, anywhere! You just might start singing along ;)
   34. Dance party. Let's be honest, this could solve most things in life ;) And, if you think you're too cool for that, turn this on and tell me you don't wanna move. If those don't get you groovin' and you're more modern, give. these. a. go. And, if all else fails: BAM.
   35. Watch videos on a topic you’re unfamiliar with. It's much easier to have your attention captured when you're learning something brand new.
   36. Draw/use an adult coloring book.
   37. Make an Amazon wishlist or Pinterest board of things you want. If you can't escape your current circumstances, envisioning a future time can be a nice way out.
   38. Send texts/messages to friends to check in with them. Concentrating on someone else can be a great way to step out of our own mind and its symptoms. Caring for others also helps us reconnect to the world at large.
   39. Organize all the files on your computer. Most of our workspaces could use a good cleaning up anyway!
   40. Wash your makeup brushes, paint brushes or other work tools. Yeah, this one probably needed done awhile ago, too! 
   41. Bullet journaling. You can start any time of year, and the structure-combined-with-creativity format can provide a great detailed distraction. There are wonderful YouTube videos on how to get started or sharing ideas to help you get creative with it!
   42. Create a new playlist. One for sleep/relaxation, one to pump you up, a good one for when you're driving or doing chores, or just one for ambient background noise -- put together something you'll love and thank yourself for later.
   43. Take a shower/bath. Concentrate on all the scents and textures for extra grounding, too.
   44. Clean all your electronics. Your phone, your keyboard, laptop screen, earbuds -- they could all use your attention too (if cleaning won't engage OCD loops).
   45. Schedule appointments you’ve been putting off. Call the dentist, women/men's health doctors, insurance company, landlord, whoever you need to see. Make those appointments!
   46. Stretch/do yoga. It's not the answer to all of a body's ails like many often suggest, but it is a phenomenal resource for trauma survivors to get into their bodies, recalibrate their autonomic nervous system through steady breathing, and get out tensions or trapped anxieties that have been buzzing inside.
   47. Write an email or letter to someone. Send some heartfelt kindness to someone who made a huge impact on you, someone you've been thinking about, or those you've been worried about.
   48. Call up a safe friend/family member. Just to talk about anything and nothing at all.
   49. Write reviews for things you’ve purchased online. Do others a great service while offering yourself a distraction by letting them know what you thought of an item.
   50. Take photos and edit them in really unique ways. Use filters you never use, effects you'd normally never choose, and heck, even take photos of things you'd never bother to capture! Have fun with it! Discover something new and creative. 
   51. Try new ways to style your hair. You never know what new aesthetic you'll fall in love with.
   52. Test out a totally new makeup look or facial hair style. You just might love it!
   53. Follow a DIY tutorial (even if just to laugh at yourself). Hey, we aren't all cut out to be on HGTV!
   54. Research new homes/cars/phones/assistance programs/accessibility devices you may need. These important, highly detail-oriented tasks can really grab your focus and reign you in because it matters.
   55. Paint your nails. Any gender, any age, with any color!
   56. Fold laundry. A slightly mindless task, but one that still requires your attention and coordination.
   57. List your recent accomplishments.  You'll be amazed at just how many things you've done recently that you so easily forget without writing them down. It can be easy to recall the challenges, but the impressive and/or proud memories sometimes fall to the wayside. These can also be incredible to review at the end of a year!
   58. Write a poem/alpha-poem/etc. It doesn't have to be a good poem. ..but, it just might turn out to be anyway!
   59. Watch a documentary. There are some phenomenal free ones on YouTube for free if you don't have Netflix/cable -- and they span the range of just about any subject matter!
   60. Creative/expressive writing. There are excellent creative writing prompts online if you're stuck.
   61. Do something childlike. Sidewalk chalk, hopscotch, color with crayons, skip rope. Or, just enjoy this video if you're nervous about letting little you step up.
   62. Buy yourself a small gift. You deserve it.
   63. Do a jigsaw puzzle. There are so many unique kinds out there, too, not just a traditional 500-piece.
   64. Make a handmade gift for someone.
   65. Take a walk. Down the driveway, out in your neighborhood, through a park, on a nature trail - just go anywhere.
   66. Make your own containment box/journal.
   67. Go to the grocery store and buy new foods. Look for things you always wanted to try!
   68. Send positive comments to friends/strangers. Fill up friend's and stranger's social media with kind, helpful, supportive, encouraging and/or complimentary things. We could all use it, but it also makes you feel good, too. You don't have to be fake or forced about it, just say the things you often think but maybe don't always say.
   69. Organize a drawer/closet. This can even leave you feeling as though you've decluttered your mind a bit, too.
   70. Self-care. Look up ASMR videos (if that's okay for you), oddly-satisfying compilations, or other visually/sensorily appealing content that will calm your senses.

HIGHER EFFORT

   71. Go to a movie. Watching at home is great, too, but sometimes getting out of the house, being in the company of others and experiencing a film larger than life can capture your attention in a way that watching at home can't manage.
   72. Make an elaborate meal. Choose something that requires prep, organization, many steps, and the confidence you’ve followed the recipe correctly -- a good kind of complicated.
   73. Begin learning a new language. We're definitely into the higher-effort category now, but sometimes high levels of concentration and detail are needed to get someone out of the places they've been trapped in for days. A new language is a great way to shift gears entirely.
   74. Begin learning sign language, Braille or another communication skill. Help make life more accessible for others and earn a skill of your own to feel proud of accomplishing.
   75. Learn an instrument. Piano, guitar, ukulele, violin, flute, drums -- what speaks to you?
   76. Build/do construction. Whether you're a beginner or this is your forté, working with your hands and with a variety of pieces/elements can be an excellent distraction.
   77. Go for a drive. Definitely make sure you're grounded enough for a task like this, but if that's in-check and you just need to carve out some fresh space in your mind, hit the road!
   78. Volunteer. Pick a charity, shelter, trash pick-up, soup kitchen, or even just a friend in need. Lend a hand, your heart and your time. Focusing on others is a great way to escape your own trials for a moment.
   79. Play a sport. Soccer, basketball, tennis, volleyball, bowling, so many options!
   80. Work out. Whether you hit the gym, or get moving in your home, a workout (especially with great tunes) can be a great distraction.
   81. Build a house of cards, stack dominoes, etc. Pick your favorite tedious, high-concentration task that demands your full attention!
   82. Garage/shed tasks. Work on your car, clean up a tool or tackle box, stain a shelf, complete other tasks that are waiting for you outside the house.
   83. Repair things around the house. Fix a sink, a broken chair, squeaky door, bent light post.
   84. Organize an event/party/vacation. Fewer things more detailed and task oriented than that!
   85. Go through your clothes/closets and donate what you don't need. Focusing on keep, trash, and donate piles can keep your mind focused in many places and present/future tenses at once, leaving room for little else.
   86. Rearrange/redecorate a bedroom or other room in the house. Change of scenery can keep you from falling back into the same spaces of your mind.
   87. Do gardening/landscaping/outdoor work. If you don't have a yard of your own, pot plants for inside your home or offer to help someone else with theirs.
   88. Update your internal world. Many with DID or OSDD have an internal world, and some can add new elements with enough concentration and effort. New rooms, parks, pets, gardens, landscapes, and so much more. Give it an update! If you don’t have this, developing highly-detailed imagery locations for your “safe place” or mental escape is perfect!
   89. Go out to eat. Peruse the menu and pick something you don't normally get.
   90. Go out for a treat. Grab some fro-yo, dessert, or something enjoyable -- bonus if you do so with others!
   91. Try a Rubix cube or other impossible puzzles. Learn how to solve 'em!
   92. Information deep dives. Learn about a social, political, historical topic you always wished you’d known more about.
   93. Head out to a coffee shoppe/bookstore. Do the same work, projects, reading, self-care, etc., you’d be doing at home, but in the company of other people.
   94. Go to or look for new public places. Check out local libraries, parks, bookstores, or other small shops you never even knew existed around you.
   95. Clean out your car/gym bag/purse/wheelchair/wallet/etc.
   96. Finish work you've been putting off. Whether it's schoolwork, take-home tasks for your job, or volunteer projects, get 'em done and cross 'em off your list!
   97. Meet up with a safe group of friends or family.
   98. Visit a barn or farm. Ride horses, learn more about agriculture or animals, experience a different way of living.
   99. Go to an art, space, or historical museum. Learn all there is to know; transport yourself into another time and place.
   100. Money stuffs. Start filing your taxes, collect receipts, balance your accounts, apply for assistance, pay bills, do all those yucky things no one wants to do but has to. It'll demand all of your focus, but then feel like a huge relief to be done and off your mind. 
   101. Learn a new physical skill. Kickboxing, martial arts, jujitsu, self-defense -- get all the anxiety, fear and anger out of your whole system and begin to feel strong and empowered in your body and what it can do!

~    ~    ~
 

     We sincerely hope this has been helpful to you! Feel free to bookmark it for the future, particularly for those times it feels too hard to even think or possibly remember what you may need. Also, share your go-to distraction techniques below and help us keep this list going! You may have the perfect solution for someone else's distress! That’s what makes our community as strong as it is. Be part of that knitted fabric. :)

MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201: Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
✧ Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101: Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID Myths: Dispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  Article Index  ❖

FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIA:

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  ✦  Twitter
  ✦  Instagram

Dissociation and Survival vs. Living: A Survivor's Story

 

A CSA Survivor's Relationship with Dissociation, Survival and Living:

     
    "There are many things I wish I could help people understand about childhood trauma; this just happens to be one I hear very little about. Like many survivors, I struggle to hear sentiments like, "Oh my! I'm so so glad that's over now and you got through it!", "I can't believe you got out of that alive. I couldn't even do that now! I'd give up," or "At least you know your worst days are behind you. You know you can conquer anything!". Even resources and groups for trauma survivors, as well as therapists and clinicians, can share quips like "You survived the abuse, you're going to survive the recovery!". While these things intend to uplift or highlight our strength, they all categorically deny the fundamental mechanism that allowed us to survive in the first place, and why adulthood is the real hard part: dissociation.

    Make no mistake, those of us who endured trauma as children are courageously strong. We were forced to be tougher than most, and - by nature or necessity - we became resilient, creative, and sharp. But Little Me didn't even experience the bulk of the trauma back then. I wasn't connected to the physical pain or sheer terror. I wasn't incapacitated by shame, disgust, or uncleanliness. I wasn't aware of the immorality, nor was I having a crisis of conscience. I didn't even know who was hurting me for much of my childhood – parts of my mind did, but not me.

Little Me wasn't facing the anger or the blistering sting of betrayal knowing that those I loved most hurt me in such inhumane ways. I wasn't yet aware this was abnormal or something that could make me feel alien or 'different' from my peers. I was numb, hyperfocused on the things I could control, and was even made to feel special or self-confident in certain traumatic areas very early on. While some of that confidence dwindled over time and I became more aware of my unhappiness, insecurity, and "irrational" fears, none of that compares to what you might imagine a tortured child feels — let alone what I was about to feel later in life.

    That suffering is here now. Adulthood is when all of it breaks through and confronts you with a vengeance. No, the abuse is not "over", it is not "behind me", it is not "something I got through". As far as my mind and body are concerned, it is NOW. It is very alive and in full-effect. Each excruciating detail of physical pain, disgust, and revulsion. Every tidal wave of anger at those who knew and did nothing, those who saw my innocence as an opportunity, and those who failed me at my every attempt for help. Each immobilizing shockwave of new material that re-writes my entire life story from how I once knew it. It is all alive in my spine, my eyes, my heart, my mind. THIS is when my survival is tested.

I am hypervigilant, terrified, exhausted, unsure if I'm even real. I exist in hollowing spaces of grief for Little Me and the life I should have had. ...lost in an endless state of confusion, horror, disbelief, and dismay. It is all-consuming, all day, and all night. ...especially the night. THIS is active trauma in my brain and body. THIS is my battleground. I am fighting for my life NOW. As an adult, not as a child.

     Furthermore, the dissociative process not only contorts the timeline of when we experience our trauma, but the independent symptom of dissociation itself challenges life as an adult, too. ..even beyond the forgetfulness, memory gaps, driving troubles, safety, maintaining a job, etc.. Two of the most critical elements of trauma recovery are in establishing healthy relationships and improving our overall worldview. It's very hard to want to carry on when all you've known is the absolute worst of mankind; being able to look around, connect, and believe the world is still good is vital to our sanity, safety, and healing. But, dissociation challenges this.

It can dull your senses, leave you numb to positive feelings, keep you at an emotional distance from love or affections shown to you. It can keep you trapped in a surreal in-between state of both the past and the present—where you respond to what's happening today with the same emotional maturity you had as a child. Emotional flashbacks, unexpected triggers, and other sudden symptoms that crop up - particularly in intimate relationships or the more meaningful aspects of life - can complicate joy and frustrate the people in your life. But most of all, no one wants to just "be alive", we want to LIVE. Fully and authentically, with all the vibrance and richness available to us. But, dissociation has a way of diluting and blurring the world - stripping it of its color and beauty. How do you hold onto a light that you can barely see, feel, or trust is even there?

    Like most all means of sheer survival, dissociation has its pros and cons. Just like chemotherapy and emergency surgery, they can keep you alive, but there are risks. They are also unpleasant in the moment and - separate from the conditions that necessitate these interventions - they carry longterm consequences of their own. But, without them, you wouldn't be here—so it's a constant tug of war with perspective and gratitude. Dissociation is no different.

It got me through. It saved my life. It gave Little Me a fighting chance. But it also made life after abuse so. darn. difficult. Because, I should feel free. The abuse has ended, I am safe. I should be dancing and singing and holding everything I love dear to my chest. But instead, now is when I fight. Now is when I stare down my trauma, my innocence, my perpetrators - all with adult intellect and understanding - and try to decide if this life is worth living or if I'm up for the task.

    It is worth it. And, I am up for the fight. I'm going to do this and will do it with grace and strength. But then, and only then, can you say I survived the impossible or that 'it's over now'. This is the battle. ..and not for just survival, but for life. To make this existence meaningful now. I get the autonomy of choice today, not just get to be along for the ride. I get to choose Life and choose Me each day. The fight is no longer to endure the day just see the next one, or go through the motions while feeling trapped here by obligation to those I love, but instead to fill each day with things of meaning and substance. Things I GET to do. Things I’m so grateful I got to do before my time comes.

    I get to discover texture and nuance, vibrance and stillness, range in opacity and brightness - all for the first time. I get to engage with the world like a child, but with it in my control and at my direction. There is so much to learn and discover, so much I've not tasted or touched, and I get to let that excitement lead me. I can trust it. Grow from it. Share it with another. Because I know I am going to conquer this. The trauma, the feelings, the defeat, the difficult relationships, even the dissociation. I will remain appreciative of what dissociation made possible for me, despite its thorns.

I want Young Me to get credit for surviving the horror. But I want Adult Me to get credit for not just surviving additional anguish, but for learning to LIVE, too.

 

 

MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
✧ Self-Care 101: 101 Self-Care Tools
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201: Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
✧ Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101: Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID Myths: Dispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  Article Index  ❖

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